Laryngitis, Sinus Issues, and ENTs who Hate Me

I actually am writing two posts today since I didn’t get last night’s post written. I have a very good excuse, though. It’s called “fun.” And everyone needs to have fun.

So last night, my version of fun involved my friends and I going out for dinner and drinks and eating some unhealthy, yet delicious, food and laughing. A lot. A patron in the establishment sitting at the table next to me made the very accurate observation that I clap my hands and slap on the table when I’m happy. (This happens with or without alcohol consumption, by the way.)

However, the unfortunate part of last night was that I couldn’t speak very much. This is the second time I’ve had laryngitis in the last month. BAD laryngitis. Like the kind where you answer your phone, and attempt a “hello,” but the other person on the phone cannot hear you and considers hanging up.

I wonder if this particular ailment affects me more than others, (I usually get it a few times a year), because I like talking. And maybe this is the universe or God’s way of telling me to slow down and shut up. To simplify. To rest.

Over the course of the last two years, I’ve had “sinus issues,” on and off. Like nasty sinus issues. If you don’t like hearing about green snot and hockers, then now would be a good time to stop reading.

Wow, you are still reading?

I went to the ENT last spring and told him in great detail about all the snot in my head. “It’s getting to the point where it’s like a ‘signature thing.’ I will be out to dinner with a friend, and all of a sudden there will be twenty snot-filled napkins on the table-filled from ME. My friends call it Emily’s snot fest.”

I even began to keep a journal about my snot. #yesisaidajournal. I was trying to figure out the triggers for my excessive snot production. I eliminated dairy. No difference. Then I thought maybe I was allergic to red wine, and stopped drinking that. No difference. I thought maybe it was allergy related at one point and started taking Flonase nasal spray, but it didn’t really make a difference. It was happening year round.

“So,” I told the ENT who hated me by now, “I’ve recorded a lot of data related to snot. The ONLY common denominator I can find is that there seems to be a correlation between high snot production and high levels of talking. So if I’ve been talking a lot with friends or with my students or my child, my nasal passages suddenly start filling up with snot.”

The ENT didn’t really want to talk to me, but he knew I wanted an answer. He told me there actually is a “disorder” which was called something-rhinitis
I think, where a person can produce excessive snot when he or she talks a lot. This is due to lots of air entering the nasal passages or something like that. I don’t remember the specifics because I don’t speak “doctor language,” but he gave me a spray which he claimed would instantly dry the snot out.

I told my friends about this disorder. They laughed of course. And then whenever I would be talking a lot, they would sometimes say, “Shhhh. Remember your disease.”

I wasn’t buying that doctor’s diagnosis, though. That spray was not effective. In fact it was the opposite of effective. Every time I used the spray, I would then blow my nose forty times instead of twenty.

So I just stopped.

I accepted that I was destined to live a life filled with snot, hocker spitting, and buying stock in the Kleenex company. And then one day, I happened to be blowing my nose, and a friend suggested a simple solution. “Have you ever tried using a saline spray? Could be that your nasal passages are just dry and you need to moisten them up.”

I bought the spray, and OMG it worked.

It was a simple solution to a small problem that I had made into a huge problem in my head. Most problems, I think, actually have simple solutions. I just have that tendency to make a problem into something bigger when I don’t have the answer right away. I grow impatient and want to figure it all out. I research and collect data, and look at evidence.

When in reality, I just need to chill. And now that my snot problem has improved, I need a simple solution to my laryngitis problem. Perhaps I need to talk less, drink water, and sleep.


And now I’m going to drink this:


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